skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I don't understand why I'm so depressed all the time. Is it that it's finally "setting in" that my Mom is gone? Is it because both of my bosses at work are dealing with parents that are seriously ill? Is it because the election is nearing and I dislike both of the candidates and feel our country is headed for disaster? Is it because the holidays are just around the corner and I don't know if I can handle them this year? Is it because Big R and I have been snapping at each other with increasing regularity here lately? Is it all of this rolled into one big ball of DEPRESSION?
My nephew called my sister yesterday and told her we all HAVE to get together around the holidays. We can't just let our family go their separate ways! I'm glad he feels that way, but I just don't know if I can handle getting together at Thanksgiving or Christmas like we always did. Too many memories and no Mama.....he also told her a tree went through the house at the lake and pretty much destroyed it. This makes me sick! That place was my dad's pride and joy.
It just seems that everything I hear is "bad". There's not much that's "good news" anymore. I want to be happy. I want to laugh and enjoy my life. Why can't I do that? I'm a firm believer that attitude is everything. If you have a positive attitude toward things, everything is better, but how do you have a positive attitude when you feel like your life is falling apart and there's nothing you can do to stop it?
I seriously need a shrink!
This was another absolutely BEAUTIFUL weekend, cool, crisp, clear blue skies and what did we do.........absolutely nothing because Big R was on call. It gets so frustrating when the weekends that would be perfect to go camping, travel, or be outside doing stuff, we have to stay close to the phone in case he gets a call. Arghhhhhhh!
We're going to try to go do a little Christmas shopping next weekend. Get some of that out of the way before Thanksgiving. Good grief! It's almost Thanksgiving!!!!! Where has this year gone?
Took a "play day" yesterday. Big R had to go to Little Rock to the doctor for an annual check-up, so I took off and went with him. We shopped a little before his appointment, then he had a real good check-up, everything looked great, and then we went out to a new restaurant for lupper (lunch/supper).
I've heard advertisements for Izzy's for the last couple of years, so we tried it out. We had their home-made tamales with chili and cheese dip/chips, some guacamole on the side, and for dessert Big R got their bread pudding and I got lemon icebox pie. Tasted just like the kind my mom used to make.
All in all, it was a wonderful day. And I think we both needed one!
Monday morning, and we have a 10am service in our chapel. It was a semi-enjoyable weekend. There was some strife, a few minor altercations, but we had a very good meal at Paula Deen's restaurant in Tunica, didn't lose too much money, and made it home in time to take care of things around here. And the weather was drop-dead gorgeous this weekend! Cool, crisp, sunny, and exactly the way I like it!
Big R was going to work on his shop yesterday, but everything kept going wrong so he just stopped what he was doing and came in. We gave Corky a haircut instead. She was really, really shaggy so it all worked out for the good in my opinion. He goes on call this Thursday so we wouldn't have been able to trim her this coming weekend as easily.
My trying to lose weight isn't exactly going great. Of course, when we're eating at Paula's and Larry's Pizza it's not going to go great. Maybe I just need to reconcile myself to the fact that I LOVE to eat and I'm going to be fat the rest of my life. Look at it from another prospective. If we go into another "Great Depression", I'm starting out with plenty of meat on my bones. I won't starve to death nearly as fast as some of these other prissy little skinny people! HA!
We had rain last night and cooler weather today and this weekend is supposed to be GORGEOUS!
This is my kind of weather. I love Fall, love cool, crisp air, love the colors, love it, love it, love it!!!
Probably won't do anything special this weekend, but just being outside will make me happy. Just what the doctor ordered after the week I've had.
A friend of mine came by the office yesterday, seemed a little melancholy to me, but couldn't get him (yes you can have platonic male friends) to tell me what was bothering him. He stayed quite a while visiting with me and the guys. When he left, I still had the feeling he needed to talk and hadn't. Went to lunch with Big R and when I got back to the office it dawned on me.....it was four years ago today my friend lost his wife to cancer. I called him to ask if he was okay and he finally broke down and cried. We talked for a while and I hope he at least felt a little better getting it off his chest. I think he must have because he thanked me for being the "sister" he never had and told me he loved me. It's strange that I feel like he's more of a "brother" to me than my real brother. I hate that, too, because my real brother and I used to be very close growing up. We've just drifted apart in adulthood, though. It's not that we don't love one another....we do.....it's just that our lives have taken us different directions. Why do we allow life to do that to us? Family is SO important and we need to nuture those relationships, but we don't.
Yesterday we had the funeral service for my best friend's mother, who was 91. It was such a wonderful tribute to her life. Her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends were all gathered to remember her.
Her grandson-in-law sang (and beautifully, I might add) "I Wish You Could See Me Now"; a friend had made the casket piece and a spray of what the family lovingly called the "Hoorah" bush. This bush stood at the end of her house and any time the kids, grandkids, or great-grandkids misbehaved, they had to go get a switch off the hoorah bush to be spanked with. Another grandson wrote a poem about his grandmother, her love for her family, and the hoorah bush. I don't think there was a dry eye in the place. What a legacy she left!
I've always been so envious of these large, close families. When I first met my friend, we "clicked" because we seemed to have so much in common. She was the baby out of five children...way younger than her siblings; I was the baby out of four children....way younger than my siblings. She married right out of high school; so did I; our "first borns" were about the same age; and we just thought alike!
But, seeing her family and their and their family's reaction to their mother's death was so, so different from the way we reacted to my mother's death earlier this year. We don't seem like a close family at all. We've always been so non-demonstrative when it concerns our love for each other. I wonder why?
I'm glad my friend has that loving, caring network to fall back on in the coming months. They will be hard beyond belief and I know she's going to need their support.
This was a fast and furious weekend. Big R wanted to get the frame of his pole barn/shop up this weekend. And for the most part, he did. He didn't get as far along as he wanted, but the majority of it is done. He still has several trusses to put up and then he has to roof it but, he hasn't even bought the metal for that yet.
I tried to help him and wicked step-son as much as I could before going in to work Saturday. My best friend's mother died early Saturday morning and I wanted to go in and get everything ready for her service. Plus I wanted to see my friend. She's divorced and didn't have that "someone" to be there with her that all of the siblings did. Just wanted to give her a hug and let her know how much I care about her.
Big R can hurt my feelings so bad, and he doesn't even realize he's done it. He made some comment about our house being dirty yesterday. And it is.....we've both been working non-stop lately and the house just isn't as clean as it usually is. It is picked up, but not dusted, vacuumed, etc. And most of the mess has been created by Big R. That's what really, REALLY, gets to me. It's filth he's tracked in on his work boots all through the house, junk he piles up that I'm not supposed to touch, and he doesn't lift a finger to help with any of it. Makes me super mad when he makes a comment like that. I just want to whack him over the head!
Must go get ready for work now. I'm so in the mood for that!!
Here it is, Tuesday night, and I'm home alone, again. I will really, really be glad when Big R goes off call. Thursday night can't get here fast enough!
Things have finally slowed down at work and I'm about to get caught up on all the paperwork that had been piled on my desk. It's amazing how much paper is pushed when a person dies. Found out tonight, via e-mail, that one of my cousin's daughters died from breast cancer. The saddest thing is that she has two little girls. The youngest one is only about three and thought that if she went in her mommy's bedroom and said 1-2-3-magic, it would bring her mommy back. It's so sad!
One of my friends called last night to tell me her husband had broken his ankle at deer camp Sunday. His stand had blown over in one of the hurricane storms that blew through here a few weeks ago and he and his sons-in-law were trying to stand it back up and it fell and landed on his ankle, breaking it in several places. They did surgery yesterday and hopefully he got to come home today. Just another reason NOT to go to the deer woods!
Fixed homemade Reuben sandwiches tonight for supper. Of course Big R had to gulp his down in about two seconds so he could go on a call. Makes for a lovely meal! I wouldn't know what it was like to sit down and relax and enjoy a leisurely meal. It never happens around here.
Woke up this morning with total feelings of discontent. Visited with son-in-law yesterday concerning the upcoming election. I'm really discontent with all choices. Don't know if we can stand another four years of Republican rule with the economy in the condition it's in....don't want to even think about voting for Obama (would rather not vote at all). And don't like the idea of not voting at all, so......what's a person to do?
Am discontent with the way some things are going here at home. We've moved little wicked step-son onto our property. He's living with his girlfriend, and now they've got one of her friends and her little girl staying with them while going through a separation from her husband. Not sure I like any of that, but don't feel like I can say anything because it's not MY son. Am also not enthralled with the way things are being kept at their place. Kinda looks like a gypsy camp and trashy....and some of the trash has blown this way. Not happy about that AT ALL. Big R's getting ready to build a shop to store the RV and a Corvette he's bought to work on. Now I know we need to have one (for all practical purposes) but I'm not sure we can afford to build one when we're supporting three families......ours, step-sons, and Big R's parents.
I'm just really unsettled and DISCONTENT with my life right now.
Hopefully, these feelings will go away.
Thank goodness another work week down the tubes. And it's been a rough one! Got home last night, dragging my butt through the door like someone who'd been run over by a big mack and got a phone call from Big R wanting to know if I wanted to ride to Gifford with him to install and service. Said, "Sure". By the time he came to pick me up, it had changed from Gifford to Leola for a ''no lights" call....sounding better all the time. There's a restaurant in the backwoods of Leola called Dorey's that is fabtabulous! Best fried catfish and ribs and all the fixins and italian cream cake I've ever put in my mouth. That ended what had been a pretty miserable Friday with a lot better note!
Got back home and took my little feller #1 his birthday presents and spent a little time visiting then came home and Big R got another call, so we went out again. Got home a little after 10 pm and crashed. Looks like this might be a busy weekend for him. It's getting a pretty good start anyway.
This has been one heck of a week. For most of the month of September we were slow at work....then, Wham. We usually do about 10 to 12 services a month. That's good for a place as small as we are, but we've done 5 services in 4 days. That's way too many for me to try to keep up with. There are three directors to take care of the services, but only one of me to do all the paperwork involved with those services. It gets a bit much when you're trying to juggle 5 at once.
Anyway, it's Friday...unless they picked someone else up last night, our board is clear and a beautiful weekend is coming up! Of course, Big R went on call last night for a week, so we're limited as to what we can do, but at least it'll be cool and sunny and we'll be together. That's all that matters to me.
I'm ready to start planting some fall flowers. I just don't know what to plant. Since I didn't grow up around flower gardening, I'm really having to learn as I go when planting stuff. Guess I need to do some research on the matter. What did we ever do without google?
