A Temporary Kind of Feeling

It's the craziest thing but sometimes when I'm here at home alone, it's like I'm being allowed to "play house" in someone else's home.

This makes no sense because it was several thousand dollars of my inheritance that enabled us to purchase this 21 acres; money I had helped save that was used to build this house; and God only knows I put enough sweat equity into the actual building. I helped clear the land, dig the ditch and put in the water line and conduit for the underground electrical, plus shove that heavy ass wire into the conduit, nail down sub-flooring, shovel sand to fill in for the back porch and garage, put on siding, put on the roof, put in the french drain around the footer of the house, not to mention all the painting, staining, and other crap that went into the interior, and picking up and cleaning up while all the other construction went on. I think I should feel some ownership.

Maybe it comes from my world being turned totally upside down when my first marriage ended after twenty-three years. So much of my life has felt like it's been temporary after that experience....like I'm waiting to find out who I really am, and what purpose I'm really supposed to have in this world.

It's just crazy!!! But then, maybe I'm just a little bit crazy, too!