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I have an 8am doctor's appointment this morning. Nothing wrong, just his "3 month so I'll have a paycheck" appointment. Doctors drive me crazy!
Big R has had a bad cold all weekend. Laid on the couch almost all day Saturday sleeping. He's on call this weekend and at least they left him alone that day. He's only had two calls all weekend. One Friday night, and one yesterday morning. Good Lord is looking out for him I guess.
It feels weird to have all of my shopping done....we go to the stores and everyone looks almost frantic trying to do their Christmas shopping. Makes me feel really good!
We haven't nailed down the plans for getting together with family at Christmas. Won't be much getting together other than the kids and Big R's side of the family. Sis says she's not doing Christmas at all this year. Nada....nothing. It's just going to be too strange Christmas day. I almost wish it were already over. Nothing like wishing my life away, ha!
Things went, well.....okay, for Thanksgiving. Not great, not necessarily bad, just okay. I didn't cry, so this is a good thing. I missed Mom. Holly Hostess, I'm not! The food tasted alright, it just wasn't Mom's. Big R had to take wicked step-son to the emergency room early that morning because he'd been hurting all night. Come to find out, he has walking pneumonia. While they were gone, everyone else started showing up at the house, I was trying to get the meal prepared. The garage door was closed, so they started using the front door (which we never use). An old stray cat has been hanging out on the front mat, and had decided the front porch was his personal "potty". Yeah, that was nice! "Come on in, just step over the cat poop!" And the step up to the front walkway - the one I've tried to get Big R to add for the last, oh, ten years.....well, he had finally fixed it and put it up next to the porch, he just didn't bother to attach it! Yeah, several people nearly busted their butts because they stepped on it and, hey, guess what? It moved! Thanks, Big R!!!!! But, all in all, I guess it wasn't that bad. Everyone ate, visited, and listened to the grandkids scream and run rampant. Hey it was Thanksgiving!
On the work front, we did one - count it - ONE, service the entire month of November. That's a record since I've been there. A little scary, but things are starting to rock and roll now. They had three on the board over the weekend. I'm supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow but will have to call and reschedule because we have a 10am service in the morning. I've been having some pain in my right arm, just above my wrist. I'm hoping I've just picked something up and bruised it, but it's right next to where they took the cancerous mole off a few years ago. Makes me worry a little. Probably nothing, we'll see.
Big R was on call this weekend so we couldn't go anywhere (other than Wally-world), and only had a few calls. That made for one big, fat, lazy weekend. We just sat around and watched TV, played on the computer, and did a few loads of laundry. Had planned to clean house, but Big R had beat me to it when I got home Friday from work. Floors were vacuumed, furniture was dusted, kitchen was mopped, bathrooms were cleaned......yeah!
I'm a little anxious about Thanksgiving at my house next week. Having not ever been the one to cook before, it's a little nerve wracking. Guess I'm just not much of an "entertainer". I'll just pray it'll be a good, family get-together.
It's been a while. Let me think what's happened since I last posted. Hmmmmm.......not much!
A friend of mine called Friday wanting me to go with her to Branson to look at fall leaves and just get away. Told her Branson's fall leaves have "come and gone"......if she wanted to look at leaves she'd have to do it around central Arkansas. She thought Big R might be going to the deer woods and it would be just me and her. Told her, "no....he's not planning on going hunting this weekend."
She wanted to know if we could go and him go, too. So we ended up driving up around Greenbrier on Saturday and going to flea markets all day. Found some neat stuff, spent too much money, but I had a good time. Don't think Big R was real thrilled with it all, or at least he didn't act like he was really having much fun.
I really hate feeling like I can't "be there" for my friend without letting Big R down. I'm supposed to want to be with him 24/7. And don't get me wrong, I do love being with him....but, my friend and I have been friends for over 30 years. We've been through some really good times, and some really bad times together, and if truth be known, she probably knows me better than Big R ever will. I guess you could say we're "kindred spirits". We just clicked when we first met and it's been that way ever since. I hate feeling like I'm letting her down. But I don't want to let Big R down, either. Damn it!
Okay, off that soap box and moving on. I was hoping to have Christmas bought and wrapped before Thanksgiving. Well, Thanksgiving is fast approaching and there's still some to be bought. Don't know if that goal is going to be met or not! Maybe if we're slow at work this week, I can take a day off when Big R doesn't have anything planned and we can finish up. Sounds like a good plan, huh? We'll see......
Went shopping Saturday and at least got part of Christmas bought. Got a pretty good start on it, anyway!
I'm at a total loss when it comes to buying for Big R's parents. We try to help them out all through the year by buying anything they need so it makes it really hard to buy for them at Christmas. Thought I knew of one thing we could get wicked step-son, but found out yesterday he'd gone and bought it for himself, already. Little snot.....he's just like his daddy! (And I love 'em both!)
Big R works today and then he's off the rest of the week for vacation. Wish I was off, too, but that ain't happening! Guess he needs some "man time" anyway. He wants to try to get a shed finished that he's started. Wicked step-son is off on vacation this week, too, so that'll give them some "bonding" time. They need that!
Guess I'd better go get some clothes on and get to work.
I don't understand why I'm so depressed all the time. Is it that it's finally "setting in" that my Mom is gone? Is it because both of my bosses at work are dealing with parents that are seriously ill? Is it because the election is nearing and I dislike both of the candidates and feel our country is headed for disaster? Is it because the holidays are just around the corner and I don't know if I can handle them this year? Is it because Big R and I have been snapping at each other with increasing regularity here lately? Is it all of this rolled into one big ball of DEPRESSION?
My nephew called my sister yesterday and told her we all HAVE to get together around the holidays. We can't just let our family go their separate ways! I'm glad he feels that way, but I just don't know if I can handle getting together at Thanksgiving or Christmas like we always did. Too many memories and no Mama.....he also told her a tree went through the house at the lake and pretty much destroyed it. This makes me sick! That place was my dad's pride and joy.
It just seems that everything I hear is "bad". There's not much that's "good news" anymore. I want to be happy. I want to laugh and enjoy my life. Why can't I do that? I'm a firm believer that attitude is everything. If you have a positive attitude toward things, everything is better, but how do you have a positive attitude when you feel like your life is falling apart and there's nothing you can do to stop it?
I seriously need a shrink!
This was another absolutely BEAUTIFUL weekend, cool, crisp, clear blue skies and what did we do.........absolutely nothing because Big R was on call. It gets so frustrating when the weekends that would be perfect to go camping, travel, or be outside doing stuff, we have to stay close to the phone in case he gets a call. Arghhhhhhh!
We're going to try to go do a little Christmas shopping next weekend. Get some of that out of the way before Thanksgiving. Good grief! It's almost Thanksgiving!!!!! Where has this year gone?
Took a "play day" yesterday. Big R had to go to Little Rock to the doctor for an annual check-up, so I took off and went with him. We shopped a little before his appointment, then he had a real good check-up, everything looked great, and then we went out to a new restaurant for lupper (lunch/supper).
I've heard advertisements for Izzy's for the last couple of years, so we tried it out. We had their home-made tamales with chili and cheese dip/chips, some guacamole on the side, and for dessert Big R got their bread pudding and I got lemon icebox pie. Tasted just like the kind my mom used to make.
All in all, it was a wonderful day. And I think we both needed one!
Monday morning, and we have a 10am service in our chapel. It was a semi-enjoyable weekend. There was some strife, a few minor altercations, but we had a very good meal at Paula Deen's restaurant in Tunica, didn't lose too much money, and made it home in time to take care of things around here. And the weather was drop-dead gorgeous this weekend! Cool, crisp, sunny, and exactly the way I like it!
Big R was going to work on his shop yesterday, but everything kept going wrong so he just stopped what he was doing and came in. We gave Corky a haircut instead. She was really, really shaggy so it all worked out for the good in my opinion. He goes on call this Thursday so we wouldn't have been able to trim her this coming weekend as easily.
My trying to lose weight isn't exactly going great. Of course, when we're eating at Paula's and Larry's Pizza it's not going to go great. Maybe I just need to reconcile myself to the fact that I LOVE to eat and I'm going to be fat the rest of my life. Look at it from another prospective. If we go into another "Great Depression", I'm starting out with plenty of meat on my bones. I won't starve to death nearly as fast as some of these other prissy little skinny people! HA!
We had rain last night and cooler weather today and this weekend is supposed to be GORGEOUS!
This is my kind of weather. I love Fall, love cool, crisp air, love the colors, love it, love it, love it!!!
Probably won't do anything special this weekend, but just being outside will make me happy. Just what the doctor ordered after the week I've had.
A friend of mine came by the office yesterday, seemed a little melancholy to me, but couldn't get him (yes you can have platonic male friends) to tell me what was bothering him. He stayed quite a while visiting with me and the guys. When he left, I still had the feeling he needed to talk and hadn't. Went to lunch with Big R and when I got back to the office it dawned on me.....it was four years ago today my friend lost his wife to cancer. I called him to ask if he was okay and he finally broke down and cried. We talked for a while and I hope he at least felt a little better getting it off his chest. I think he must have because he thanked me for being the "sister" he never had and told me he loved me. It's strange that I feel like he's more of a "brother" to me than my real brother. I hate that, too, because my real brother and I used to be very close growing up. We've just drifted apart in adulthood, though. It's not that we don't love one another....we do.....it's just that our lives have taken us different directions. Why do we allow life to do that to us? Family is SO important and we need to nuture those relationships, but we don't.
Yesterday we had the funeral service for my best friend's mother, who was 91. It was such a wonderful tribute to her life. Her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends were all gathered to remember her.
Her grandson-in-law sang (and beautifully, I might add) "I Wish You Could See Me Now"; a friend had made the casket piece and a spray of what the family lovingly called the "Hoorah" bush. This bush stood at the end of her house and any time the kids, grandkids, or great-grandkids misbehaved, they had to go get a switch off the hoorah bush to be spanked with. Another grandson wrote a poem about his grandmother, her love for her family, and the hoorah bush. I don't think there was a dry eye in the place. What a legacy she left!
I've always been so envious of these large, close families. When I first met my friend, we "clicked" because we seemed to have so much in common. She was the baby out of five children...way younger than her siblings; I was the baby out of four children....way younger than my siblings. She married right out of high school; so did I; our "first borns" were about the same age; and we just thought alike!
But, seeing her family and their and their family's reaction to their mother's death was so, so different from the way we reacted to my mother's death earlier this year. We don't seem like a close family at all. We've always been so non-demonstrative when it concerns our love for each other. I wonder why?
I'm glad my friend has that loving, caring network to fall back on in the coming months. They will be hard beyond belief and I know she's going to need their support.
This was a fast and furious weekend. Big R wanted to get the frame of his pole barn/shop up this weekend. And for the most part, he did. He didn't get as far along as he wanted, but the majority of it is done. He still has several trusses to put up and then he has to roof it but, he hasn't even bought the metal for that yet.
I tried to help him and wicked step-son as much as I could before going in to work Saturday. My best friend's mother died early Saturday morning and I wanted to go in and get everything ready for her service. Plus I wanted to see my friend. She's divorced and didn't have that "someone" to be there with her that all of the siblings did. Just wanted to give her a hug and let her know how much I care about her.
Big R can hurt my feelings so bad, and he doesn't even realize he's done it. He made some comment about our house being dirty yesterday. And it is.....we've both been working non-stop lately and the house just isn't as clean as it usually is. It is picked up, but not dusted, vacuumed, etc. And most of the mess has been created by Big R. That's what really, REALLY, gets to me. It's filth he's tracked in on his work boots all through the house, junk he piles up that I'm not supposed to touch, and he doesn't lift a finger to help with any of it. Makes me super mad when he makes a comment like that. I just want to whack him over the head!
Must go get ready for work now. I'm so in the mood for that!!
Here it is, Tuesday night, and I'm home alone, again. I will really, really be glad when Big R goes off call. Thursday night can't get here fast enough!
Things have finally slowed down at work and I'm about to get caught up on all the paperwork that had been piled on my desk. It's amazing how much paper is pushed when a person dies. Found out tonight, via e-mail, that one of my cousin's daughters died from breast cancer. The saddest thing is that she has two little girls. The youngest one is only about three and thought that if she went in her mommy's bedroom and said 1-2-3-magic, it would bring her mommy back. It's so sad!
One of my friends called last night to tell me her husband had broken his ankle at deer camp Sunday. His stand had blown over in one of the hurricane storms that blew through here a few weeks ago and he and his sons-in-law were trying to stand it back up and it fell and landed on his ankle, breaking it in several places. They did surgery yesterday and hopefully he got to come home today. Just another reason NOT to go to the deer woods!
Fixed homemade Reuben sandwiches tonight for supper. Of course Big R had to gulp his down in about two seconds so he could go on a call. Makes for a lovely meal! I wouldn't know what it was like to sit down and relax and enjoy a leisurely meal. It never happens around here.
Woke up this morning with total feelings of discontent. Visited with son-in-law yesterday concerning the upcoming election. I'm really discontent with all choices. Don't know if we can stand another four years of Republican rule with the economy in the condition it's in....don't want to even think about voting for Obama (would rather not vote at all). And don't like the idea of not voting at all, so......what's a person to do?
Am discontent with the way some things are going here at home. We've moved little wicked step-son onto our property. He's living with his girlfriend, and now they've got one of her friends and her little girl staying with them while going through a separation from her husband. Not sure I like any of that, but don't feel like I can say anything because it's not MY son. Am also not enthralled with the way things are being kept at their place. Kinda looks like a gypsy camp and trashy....and some of the trash has blown this way. Not happy about that AT ALL. Big R's getting ready to build a shop to store the RV and a Corvette he's bought to work on. Now I know we need to have one (for all practical purposes) but I'm not sure we can afford to build one when we're supporting three families......ours, step-sons, and Big R's parents.
I'm just really unsettled and DISCONTENT with my life right now.
Hopefully, these feelings will go away.
